Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Mountain Changed Me

view from the top of Table Rock with
seemingly endless mountains in the background
click on picture for larger view


It is hard to put into words, but I am not the same since I came back from Table Rock. Something happened on that trek. I think it has to do with pushing myself to the limit and the self confidence that came with that. Also, the actual risks involved in a hike into the wilderness, especially since we were caught there after dark and had to hike nearly the whole way back with only our flashlights to guide us!

I feel as if I see the world through different eyes now. I have realized more what is truly important and what is trivial. I have also learned a great deal about myself. I have realized that my "issues" with my family are not really with them, but with myself and how I look at things. It is all a feeling underneath me of brewing dissatisfaction of who I am. I feel as if I have suddenly stood on my head and saw the world as it really is, for the first time. Because I have had this boost in knowing who I am... I actually for the first time feel as if I know that. I realize that my feelings of not being happy with my circumstances were a reflection on how I was feeling about myself and not that of what is around me. The petty stupid things I used to get so upset about no longer matter. Treating people I love with dignity and respect does. And it as if I suddenly know what the "score" is and it is not keeping a list of how I was wronged and being sullen and angry about it. I know now that I do matter and it does not bother me any longer when I have been slighted by common human errors that we all inadvertently make. Yes, I am still self centered me and most likely will always be that way, but I am trying, learning and growing.

Tonight I let myself be vulnerable to a family member and then when the old "same old same old" came back around it did not matter. When I let myself open up with this person it is as if I can start counting from that moment on until I am pushed to see if I will cave. I dealt with the old behavior from my family member with tact and dignity like I should with out compromising anything.

Because now I know...
Because I bagged that mountain.

2 Comments:

At 6:58 AM, Blogger Paula said...

All I can say is...WOOT!!!

 
At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Daffy said...

((((((((hugs)))))))) Yay, a new post! Isn't it awesome to have mountaintop Transfiguration moments like that? They don't necessarily have to be ON mountains, but it's beyond cool that it was!

 

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